Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize