I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
