I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
