If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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