Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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