He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
