Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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