I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
ttyl tear gas
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
