I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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