When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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