I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
