capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
