I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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