Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
