I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
