he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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