Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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