Too much gin, very little bucket
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
