Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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