It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
