I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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