somebody snuck up and got me drunk
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
