i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
