the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
