you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize