Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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