all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize