Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
