Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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