if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize