So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I forget how to act sober
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
