If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
