Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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