SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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