Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
