i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
