So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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