I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
