Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
