Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
