I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hippo gnu deer
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
