She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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