are you so shy because you have an std?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
