You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
