Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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