If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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