Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
