If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
