the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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