the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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