i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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