and you said cock pushups were impossible
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
