He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
