This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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