just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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