This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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