he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
