My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
