I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
