they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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