she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
