She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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