I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
