sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
