I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
