We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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