I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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